For Sale

So, it´s official. The Constitution of Germany is up for grabs, no holds barred. It actually happened about a week ago, but I just could not believe it, I researched the facts with a thoroughness that scared me, really wanting to make sure that I had this right.
Unfortunately I am correct. The Supreme Court of Germany changed the Constitution with only one negative vote and one lousy, demented, bloodless TV-commentator telling the truth, that only the legislative branch gets to actually make new laws or change existing ones. The judicative branch interprets them and puts them to use. The constituional court may tell the government to change a law or declare a law unconstitutional.
But they cannot make the new law, or change the existing ones, especially not if it´s part of the motherfrakking Constitution, hot fucking damn!
Why am I telling you all these well known facts? Well, because my fellow citizens either do not know these things or they just don´t give a rat´s arse anymore. These scurvy fucking bastards really did it, and up until today, only me and stupid old Heiner ´bad breath´ Bremer have protested against this outrage. Heiner Bremer is probably senile, his teeth look like a collection of brown sugar lumps and he used to be famous for the frown on his face when the teleprompter on the night news froze up again, making him a complete fool with nothing to do but stare angrily at the camera.
Still, old Heiner went to school, he can read and at some point when he was out of toiletpaper again he must have come across the German Constitution by accident and there he must have read that according to that piece of soon to be used paper the german army may NOT operate within the borders of Germany in times of peace. Even in times of war it may only operate within Germany if enemy troops or partisans have invaded the country.

The rules are very clear about this. This has never stopped us from using the help of soldiers in times of crisis. Whenever a flood or a storm hits, the German troops will provide airlifts and rescues, build sandbag barriers and tend to the injured. They do not do this in their function as soldiers. They do the same thing as any citizen who is able and about at times of crisis, they simply pitch in. And they leave their guns at home.
Now, with the new laws invented by our corrupt judges the army can be used to the full extent of it´s capacity if the threat of an event of catastrophic dimensions is imminent.

Oh, excuse me, but could you be any more wishy-washy? A threat? Like, the imminent, even permanent threat of a terrorist attack? Or the escalation of the financial crisis, hm? Anybody who grabs power now can immediately turn the army into its police force just by declaring an imminent catastrophic threat and can you say dictatorship?
And don´t tell me that we are a democracy with rational, democratic parties in the majority. The obscure Pirate Party has made it up to 9 % in the most recent election, with some garbled message about a sort of Facebook-Piratebay-free-download society with lots of citizen participation-always provided you own the right brand of smartphone (hint:check for a used piece of fruit on the back of you product)
Anyways, when they were first put to the test it turned out that they did not even have a programm or some sort of base line. Quite a few members turned out to be good old fashioned racists, and one of their leading figures is currently petitioning the party members to finance his lifestyle, as  he is feeling tired of living off of wellfare.
Friends, I am not making any of this up. Ok, to be precise, when I said the court allowed the army to do pretty much whatever they felt was necessary to avert the hypothetical catastrophy I wasn´t entirely truthful with you. There are two restrictions that the court laid down very clearly.

Rule #1 : No shooting at protestmarchers
Rule #2 : No shooting down of civilian aircraft

Again, I´m not that drunk yet and I´m definetely not making it up. You might say that these rules aren´t really rules but things that most people would take for granted. But when you´re dealing with a bunch of fucked up, gun-crazy, unpredictable nutjobs like the army, it´s better to be safe than sorry.

So, if martial law gets declared next week I´ll just join the protest march to the Airport and take the next flight to Toronto.

Please, no, pretty please with sugar on top, do take this seriously! The current gang of rasberry flavoured arseholes known as our government has already pushed for additional legislation to make army operations inland easier.
This time, at least some of the milk drinking opposition got their thumbs unstuck from their arses and haltet the madness from progressing any further.
But make no mistake about it, the most powerful woman in the world is gearing up for a civil war in europe.
The fat is so in the fire. No fooling. And sooner or later the hog will finally stick it's ugly head out of the tunnel. Will you be ready then, big bag of rice on one shoulder, shotgun on the other?

We'll see you there.

Mahalo.Ke aloha nô!

Apologies

You shouln't read blogs that start out with something like ´After the third Martini´.
You should not, in fact, write things like that.
The outcome is inevitably the same.
Hurt feelings and apologies.

My Apologies. Heartfelt. What in the name of three chinese monkeys was I thinking?
Well, it seems I wasn´t thinking at all there. Anthropophagia? Plain old Cannibalism?
Ooooohh, eeewww, little ol´ me was feelin´ so terribly peckish, yer Honour?

We all know that there is no decent excuse for shooting and eating your Indonesian catholic gay neighbour, no matter what the circumstances, so I shall apologize. Right here and now, I throw myself at your mercy and I´m begging you to please believe me, even if the financial crisis does spin out of control, I will not succumb to the eating of my fellow men, no matter how annoying or tasty they may be.
Personally, I´ve always loved Asian, allthough you usually wind up being hungry again after an hour or so.
But this is completely besides the point. There will be no eating of people. Unless these people strongly indicate really wanting to be eaten. It´s possible. And if they turn out to be something other than People after all, well, that´s a no-brainer, too.
And nobody will blame a conscious non-cannibal gun owner if an unfortunate gun accident happens at a time of distress and crisis and if that acccident provides some accidental meat, well, it will sure be a shame to let this perfectly good if not kosher meat go to waste? Won´t it?

In a time of crisis, many things are possible and possibly acceptable. Only time will tell.


We´ll cross that bridge when we get to it.

Hallebaba. And a double Mahalo to all of you out there. Food comes first, morals follow.

We´re all going down...

I´m on my 3rd Martini, and I just realized that these are the last days of the Western Liberal World as we know and enjoy it. I was watching the Daily Show with Jon Stewart, and Brian Williams was his guest, and at first they were just playing with each other, tempting and daring, but all of a sudden Jon  just said it and Brian agreed - that our system for solving problems has completely broken down.
Yes, I´m well aware  that y'all are professionell cynics these days and y'all can´t just believe how naive I must be, and that's just so obvious and anybody who knows anything knows that.
I know. And the feeling, the realisation, the epiphany is fleeting and fading already. But for a second or two  I could sense that Cormack McCarthy´s ´TheRoad´ is just around the next corner.
A few weeks from now we all might be protagonists in a version of that country of last things that Paul Auster once wrote about.
And it is, no fooling. I can see myself right now in this perfect, 14th floor, UN-World Architecture Heritage penthouse style apartment, expensive psychedelic wallpapers all around me, fine furniture and a beautyful, sleepdrunken, halfnaked lady in the door frame who is my wife,a martini in my hand and I´m looking out  the panorama window facing west, amidst the worst financial catastrophy since the invention of money.
Well, how´s that for vivid symbolism? Hot enough for ya?
The german government under UNSERE GELIEBTE FUEHRERIN ANGELA MERKEL is currently aiming for a hyperinflation to annihilate all debts and push the rest of Europe back into submission. They did it before, in the 90´s, with Russia. Over 100,000 people starved or froze to their deaths as a direct consequence of the hyperinflation triggered by that last big financial crisis. (Google Hegdefonds, junkbonds, 1990´s and you should find it, Try the Archives of The Economist)
And our beloved Chancellorette believes that only a few foreigners and poor people will starve and freeze in Germany, and that our discipline and police force are strong enough to stopp any madness along the way short of a civil war.
Of course, some places in Europe might not be so lucky. They will, once more, have to listen to their strong and disciplined neighbours, after they´ve picked up their shattered reamains from the rubble. And if they won´t, well they can just go fuck up and die. Which is, of course, just fine.

Woah. How did we get here? That third Martini really took us beyond the gravity well.
Still. It´s been just three weeks since I stumbled across a year-old documentary about how the food industry eliminated all government control over their products and produce and how the increasing numbers of infections with deadly E-coli bacteria and the continous rise of food scandals are direct and well known side effects of that loss of control; and then two weathered, experienced political junkies like Brian Williams and Jon Stewart just blurt out the obvious - that the western liberal system of democracy has been smashed beyond reproach by greed, opportunism and populism - that old immortal belief that there are simple solutions to complex problems. Halle-fucking-baba.
Selah.
Call it a drunken man´s rant. Call it obvious. Tell me that there´s nothing you can do. Tell me it´s gonna be all right.

I know that you know that this is bad.
In Germany the extreme right wing is on the rise again. Yes, it´s the Nazis! In some places in former communist Germany they are already providing social services like kindergardens and sportclubs.
And why not? These are the new times. History never repeats itself. Nu-uh!

In Greece there are strong votes for both the communists and the fascists. Since Greece is both the cradle of modern democracy and of liberal values, at least as far as gay rights and general intoxication go, I dare say that this has to have some meaning, if not a lot.

Ok. Time to calm down. In exactly 5 hours and 30 minutes my alarmclock will go of, mercyless and powerful. I will once more get up at the unholy hour of 2:15 a.m. to take care of the public transportation needs of my fellow citizens by driving the subway.
I will enjoy it, knowing that soon this will all be over and then I will find myself gnawing on the bones of my useless, weak and, most importantly, unarmed neighbour.
I might be a poof, a weakling, a coward and bald. But at least I have a gun. Hallebaba.

Sela. Mahalo. Ke aloha nô, me ka mahalo kauâ !

Ps : If you haven´t read any of the above mentioned books yet, do yourself a favor and don´t read them. Ever. And if you do, take some Valium or some Vodka first, preferably both. You might even want to hit yourself over the head with the Vodka-bottle, too. Just to be on the safe side.